mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
