I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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