she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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