Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sorry about my life...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
