just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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