oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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