Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
