omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
