My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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