Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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