I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
