Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I did not marry a roomba.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
