i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
