Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
