I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
