...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
