While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
