Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
