thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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