I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
