I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
