U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
