i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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