my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
