we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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