i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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