I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
