My nipple is on Facebook.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
