in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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