If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
