Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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