I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
