all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
