so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I believe in your delicious
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
