fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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