none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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