I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
