My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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