i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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