Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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