u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
