i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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