I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
