I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
