He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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