apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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