My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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