Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
