I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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