I'm jealous of your bromance
Buhtt sex?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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