Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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