I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
