had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
