if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Princesses don't give blow jobs
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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